ABOUT PETER HOLDER...

ME!

Millennial. The one family members call up when the tech stops working. Fascinated by relationships and the decisions we make influenced by them. I am polyamorous, appreciate a good pun and have cultivated a folder of memes over the years to cope with the state of the world. And god help me I play too much blitz chess.

WHO I WORK WITH

Supporting people in both monogamous & non-monogamous relationship structures. This can be in individual, couple or multi-partner sessions. I'm inclusive of gender diversity and kink-aware. I am Birmingham (UK) based, currently offering online relationship counselling sessions. Reach out if you'd like to chat!

EDUCATION

I've completed a Level 5 Diploma in Relationship Counselling (CPCAB), a two year course provided by Relate, one of the largest providers of relationship support in England and Wales. I've also completed Solution Building Couples Therapy training, delivered by Elliott Connie, who is one of the foremost practitioners & educators in Solution Focused Brief Therapy.

APPROACH

I work with issues where a relationship agreement or boundary has been violated, leading to feelings of betrayal, guilt, shame & broken trust. My approach combines Narrative & Solution Focused theory, exploring the effects of the problem in your life and relationship(s), clarifying your preferred future and discovering resources you can access to help create it.

What Is Relationship Counselling?

If I ask you to imagine what a relationship counselling session looks like, what do you see? I’m pretty confident it’s a room with a couch (sofa, settee, whatever you call it) and two people plonked on it, possibly a bit of a gap between them, facing opposite a clipboard wielding counsellor. And you’d be right. Partly. There is indeed a counsellor. The rest is up for debate. There’s a reason I said relationship counselling and not couples counselling, though the two are often

A Relationship Agreement Was Broken: What Are We Repairing?

Severity of the violation matters. I think it's important to start here as this is a very personal judgment that can easily be swayed by friends, family, societal or cultural expectations…the list goes on and on. Arguably, there are some things we can universally agree to be very severe, for example: Deception about major life facts - like having a secret family Financial betrayals - such as gambling activity that affects family finances Endangering sexual health - engagi

A Relationship Agreement Was Broken: Is Repair Possible?

I appreciate I’ve been writing this in linear, sequential order; however, it's likely things won't play out so tidily. You’ll be trying to understand what’s happened while also deciding if repair is possible and something you actually want to do. It may be that in order to understand what happened, you have to first decide that you want to repair the relationship. In the process of understanding what happened, some things may be uncovered that send you right back to a place